One of the fun things I get to do as a "conflict transformation trainer" is present a piece on anger. Dealing with others, dealing with anger in your house, and dealing with your own anger. I coach, I present, I tell stories. Imagine my surprise, when, in the last two weeks, I've experienced deep burning anger, and felt impotent to deal with it. I mean like pissed off. Like a rage. Way. The first time through, I cried and cried loud bitter tears in the shower. And I preached at the object of my anger (who will remain nameless, but I'm married to him) for an inordinate amount of time, preshower and postshower, and it was anger over a little thing, but I was ticked off just the same. Did I mention this was the morning I was getting ready for a flight to CA, still packing with about an hour left to go? So I cried and I preached, got it all out, and became repentant just as my ride to the airport arrived.

Back from my trip, someone with whom I have a lot of contact crosses a line and I get ticked off again. So I seethe for a few days. The issue that made me mad is not the real issue. The real issue with her occurred two years ago, and I find I might just be an unforgiving person, locked into an exchange two years ago that I never got over. This time, I didn't cry or rage, I just boiled under the surface, and maybe displaced a little of that anger on my poor family. One of my eyes started twitching. Then last night, spent time with a friend intensely processing the whole thing (for the third time that day) until midnight. Today I feel better. So I guess I'm not impotent; I can deal with it. And maybe I'll find charitable feelings for this woman. Wish me luck.