Warning: This entry turns out to be rather depressing. Click on to brighter horizons or bear with me, Friends.
I'm almost finished with Small Wonder by Barbara Kingsolver. Yes, I really do love that woman. I don't know her, but I love her. Mostly because I agree with her, I guess. And I admire her courage for standing up for things I believe are right. She gives me hope. I should love this easily the many other strangers I encounter. Wouldn't that be a remarkable accomplishment? Isn't that what I am supposed to do? Love 'em. Love 'em all. Good Lord, grant me the grace to do so.
The summer rolls on, and I am completely lost. It is July, and I still haven't found a sense of rhythm. It is because I have no clue what I will be doing come mid-August. I should be making lesson plans, buying cute little name tags, dreaming up marvelous ideas to help these little guys understand life, the universe, and whatever else comes up. A teacher's summer has a rhythm to it, but this year it is not mine to have. It's depressing. And this thing is still out of my control. I have no power in the waiting game and it is driving me to distraction. I need a life right now. I need my life right now.
What about your kids/husband/home? Do you ask this of me? They're here. I'm here with them and we are doing things together. But my days, which I used to be really good at filling, are very long. I know I should be thinking of this as my grand vacation but I'm worried and distracted. Housekeeping? Gardening? Well, I should be, thank you very much, but I just wander from half-finished task to half-finished task. Then I sit and read. I try to nap but I'm rotten at it. I must say I'm writing this at a low point. Here is what I really need to say: Help.
Tomorrow, I'll truck on and get ready for the fourth. With a clear sense of purpose, I'll prepare the house for guests. But my point is, I could be doing that today. I should be doing that today so things are extra welcoming. *Sigh*. I think I'll go give my kids a hug.
I'm almost finished with Small Wonder by Barbara Kingsolver. Yes, I really do love that woman. I don't know her, but I love her. Mostly because I agree with her, I guess. And I admire her courage for standing up for things I believe are right. She gives me hope. I should love this easily the many other strangers I encounter. Wouldn't that be a remarkable accomplishment? Isn't that what I am supposed to do? Love 'em. Love 'em all. Good Lord, grant me the grace to do so.
The summer rolls on, and I am completely lost. It is July, and I still haven't found a sense of rhythm. It is because I have no clue what I will be doing come mid-August. I should be making lesson plans, buying cute little name tags, dreaming up marvelous ideas to help these little guys understand life, the universe, and whatever else comes up. A teacher's summer has a rhythm to it, but this year it is not mine to have. It's depressing. And this thing is still out of my control. I have no power in the waiting game and it is driving me to distraction. I need a life right now. I need my life right now.
What about your kids/husband/home? Do you ask this of me? They're here. I'm here with them and we are doing things together. But my days, which I used to be really good at filling, are very long. I know I should be thinking of this as my grand vacation but I'm worried and distracted. Housekeeping? Gardening? Well, I should be, thank you very much, but I just wander from half-finished task to half-finished task. Then I sit and read. I try to nap but I'm rotten at it. I must say I'm writing this at a low point. Here is what I really need to say: Help.
Tomorrow, I'll truck on and get ready for the fourth. With a clear sense of purpose, I'll prepare the house for guests. But my point is, I could be doing that today. I should be doing that today so things are extra welcoming. *Sigh*. I think I'll go give my kids a hug.
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