Another dream this morning of disconnection and searching for things I cannot find. This time it is my purple car, an easy find anywhere. A long talk with Bananie about cynicism and Christianity, and admiration for her understanding. Me, I've been cynical about Christianity for so many years now, it's hard to remember faith without some kind of tagalong derision. Yet I say Jesus' name most days in prayer. I know it's healthy to question faith, but ongoing cynicism is wearing me down. And in my dreams, I do not find what I am looking for, and I'm disconnected. There seems to be a clear message here. I call myself a Deist these days, but it's really not true. I just hate to carry the baggage of all things gone awry with Christianity. And now, these dreams crop up as I read Thomas Merton's Contemplation, a very Christian work. Many things to ponder these days.