It was the Buddha. He did it.

I'm in survival mode these days. In the conflict between home and work, I always lose, so I wall off my inner self to protect it from the stress of the outer life. Then I can get through my days. Except I never build a door in the wall (or a gate, for that matter, or even a window). Either I'm in or I'm out. Everything is black or white, though I know shades of gray suit me best.

I think we all do this. We throw up these walls around our hearts. Some are not even aware of it. I'm kind of in sleep mode about it. Then I wake up, lope around, banging on walls, trying to get back in. I've been trying for a while now. Prayer, meditation, nothing (or so I thought). Today, as I got some lessons ready for a history unit, I found the Buddha's writings. Just a little bit. Just the Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Path. And I melted. I remembered who I was. The Buddha made a tiny little chink in the fortress I've erected around myself.

From the Eightfold Path:
Right Thought is one of the factors that constitute wisdom. Selfless renunciation, detachment, love and nonviolence, these thoughts are extended to all beings. When this is lacking, however, as in such as thoughts based on selfish desire, hatred and violence, it is a sign that one is lacking in wisdom.